Get to the Chopper – I’m feeling Uberish!
Digging through restaurant blogs, reviews, maps looking for anything remotely cool, my thoughts were again confirmed, nope, zero. Nobody likes to talk about food in the desert unless you’re a magazine and it seems to be the same regurgitated set of chains, agonizing. There must be restaurants yet to be discovered and I am going to do my best to find them. I continued to dig for a good part of an hour and Voila! I found a possible place, located in a La Quinta strip center that opened about a year ago. Snitzelhaus! Nothing gets me crazy frisky as Bavarian food: best beers on the planet, Goulash, Spatzle and of course, Snitzel! I stood up from my computer and immediately transformed into character…..
“Ja I love strudel! Vhen are vee going dharling?” Dieter from Sprockets, Bruno, Hanz and Franz all came into form as I ran around the house Screaming, “Get to the Choppa!!!” 100% embodying the flair of Arnold in The Predator. I look over and see my dates eyes rolling back in her head. And I say to myself, “She’s such a partee pooopah!” I screamed at her – “Ja!! Deal vith it!! Vee are going to Snitzelhaus and I am vearing my most favorite Lederhosen!!” Her silence confirms I am making headway.
As we arrive, the place is packed and I’m excited and hopeful. We sit down surrounded by traditional Bavarian furniture and a staff dressed in traditional Bavarian clothing. However, sitting surrounded by all of this Bavarian Charm I can’t help but fall into character again! My waitress asks “Sprechen Sie Deutsch”? (Do you speak German) I respond, “Nein, I took Uber here and I’m feeling very Uberish!” My date responds by kicking my shin from under the table! Would you shut up! I smile and say, “Vell you are very Kranky aren’t vee!” I order my beer, “Eins Franziskaner bitte.” (One beer please) The waitress (who is straight up Austrian and wearing a traditional Dirndl gives me half a smile and walks away) Lauren proceeds to call her back to the table ordering a bottle of Riesling and declaring only one glass will be needed. She says “I plan on blacking out and not remembering any of this happened.” The waitress nods and continues towards the kitchen.
As I peruse the menu I am over taken with the need to take a swing at the vernacular. (Out loud, involving our neighbors) “Zwiebelrosbraten, Geschnetzeltes, Schweinsbraten – Wunderbar!!” My maturity level has hit an all time low and my date is about to get up and leave. However, right at that moment a bowl of Goulash lands on the table with house made authentic German bread and its warm! Haaa, got you. She vont leave now! As she sits back down, we both begin to lean into the soup. Deep dark Goulash, excellently seasoned and paired with a German Wheat Beer, its so good! Im very, very happy.
Bavarian food in a nutshell, in its most basic form, its breaded meat (or just plain meat) with gravy and potatoes, spun in a multitude of different ways. Packed with enough carbs to burst the buttons on your Lederhosen: it is complete Carboside. (Carboside – I made up the word, haaa) Beer, potatoes, breaded meat and gravy, you do the caloric math. Boom!
After a plate of Snitzel and a few more beers, I look over and yes! My date has reached Nirvana. Complete wine blackout, she wont remember a thing tonight, Perfect! I look into my phone and set up our Uber, pay our bill, scoop up my date and on the way out I wave to the staff , “Gute Nacht, Danka”. The staff cracks a smile and I know I have won. I Found a great restaurant, conservative Austrians smiled and I let my inner Bavarian out of its cage for a night. #fivestartodivebar #5star2divebar