So, there you are scrolling through Facebook and Instagram talking shit about the dumb ass people posting photos and topics that are well, acceptable for Jerry Springer. What a dumb bitch! Oh look at him, he gained 50 pounds – fat ass! Holy shit, is she wearing that??? God she didn’t age well, soooo nasty! . And then ….. you found me. You stopped scrolling, looked to see who posted it and automatically you said to yourself ……WTF. Sloate …….. what is going on, there is no way this story is about food. This photo is about snacks for your reptile or snake? Right? Yes! ……No…. maybe? ……Nope! You’re looking at a snack I threw together last night. …. Jiminy Cricket was in the house and I’m throwing out all my Lays, Doritos and Tortilla chips. Better lock my doors this summer, can’t imagine how many people want to try this dish!
I see it, I see it!! You’re looking at me like Renfield from Dracula. A guy with a creepy, overly morbid thirst for insects and blood. Yes master ……… Yes!! Cricket good!
I initially felt the same way the first time I let an insect pass through my lips and into my mouth. But once I did, holy shit this isn’t so bad. It’s a flavorful insect. It’s takes some guts to cross over that barrier but once you do. You’ll be as giddy as Jared from Subway sponsoring a Catholic Orphanage.
I wanted to see if I could recreate a street food snack you can find everywhere in south East Asia. However, I just didn’t try to recreate it, I decided to have a bug cook off. Which style of Cricket cooking technique do I like? Ready to stop reading? No you are not….stay with me. That’s right BUG COOKOFF!!! Shits getting weird and your front-row!
In the corner to my left I ordered cooked dehydrated crickets, direct from Thailand. They didn’t look happy. They were flat, lacked form and didn’t create the shock factor I wanted. Shit old gummy bears have more form than these little imported guys. On my right I ordered live crickets, shoved them into the freezer so they passed gracefully into that bug area in the sky. I sent them on as I pranced around singing Frozen.
A Glorious moment…. sigh…..
As I reflected on the passing of these little guys I wanted to remind everyone a misunderstood but simple reality. We could wipe out world hunger if third world countries would look at insects as a protein source. I’m not only trying to bring up a relevant fact, shock you a bit, but it’s a reality. Insects are tasty, salad toppers, taco toppers or just eating them straight. I know what your thinking. Sloate is being an activist, haaaaa, and a mother fucking crazy one at that. But ummm NO. The last donation I made was a check for $500 to my LPPDC – local “Little People Pole Dancing Coalition.” Yes that’s right!! Hey relax….. I’m not saving whales, I’m the furthest thing from an activist, unless your talking about making procreation illegal for people who wear Crocs…….
Anyway, I seasoned my precooked Crickets with Soy, Fleur De Sel (high end French salt) and lime juice. My recently deceased crickets were dropped into Canola oil at 350 degrees and cooked until till crisp. They were seasoned with the same Soy, Fleur and lime juice mixture. The winner – I just know you can’t wait to hear and I’m sure you simply just don’t give a fuck but yes, the crunchiness of my deep-fried Cricket Apocalypse was the winner. Believe it or not, little deep fried crunchy insects taste great and even better with good seasoning. Your going to have to trust me, or just come by my house this summer. The line may be long but it will be worth it!
You can find happiness in the weird, unaccepted and considered Taboo end of the food spectrum. There is value in it, a new way to look at our world and surrounding. In the end the more you try the more you know and what I do know….. Crickets taste better than Subway sandwiches. Truth